


Too Many Teeth

by The_Playground_of_Alcor



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Jaw/mouth based, You can probably guess where based on the title, not a lot but some
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 03:10:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21129794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Playground_of_Alcor/pseuds/The_Playground_of_Alcor
Summary: Case #10038202: Statement of Bill Wellesley, concerning an unsettling series of visits to a fast food chain.





	Too Many Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, wasn't expecting to produce another statement so soon, but here we are!
> 
> I'm a little further along in TMA than I was when I published the last fic, now I'm partway through S2, specifically #53, Crusader.

_ (click) _

Statement of Bill Wellesley, concerning an unsettling series of visits to a fast food chain. Original statement given November 14th, 2008, audio recording by Johnathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How is it you're supposed to start these things? "It was a dark and stormy night…"? "Once upon a time…"? I guess it doesn't really matter, not with a story like this. I'd always heard about the kinds of things people reported to you lot, figured most of it was hokum, plain and simple. Then again, I guess all those other poor sods who report this kind of thing probably thought exactly that, before they had something to report.

I guess I'll give you a tidbit or two of background, and then just dive right in.

I've never been one for cooking, for the simple reason that I just can't do it. Anything more complicated than your bog-standard ham and cheese sandwich, and I will invariably find a way to burn it, drown it, or otherwise mutilate and main it into unrecognizable states.

That's why, a lot more often than not, I'll just end up calling out for some takeaway, or just nipping down to the pub or one of the fast food joints around me. Yeah, I know, not the healthiest, but that's never been very high on my priority list.

That's how I first met her. Jennifer Corden. Jenny. She worked down at the --  _ (Recorder's note: here, a word, presumably the name of a restaurant, is heavily scratched out. The sentence then backtracks and resumes.) _ Down at one of the fast food joints I mentioned. I won't name them, don't wanna invite any legal shite. I know about your non-disclosure stuff, and I know you could dig into my financials and figure it out easy enough from where I went the most, but still, rather not risk it.

She was gorgeous, shaped like the curviest Greek goddess, and with the most loving disposition you'd ever think to meet. I think that's why I've started learning to cook. If it had been anyone but her…

We met about 3 years before, when I came in to grab a bite. We hit it off pretty good while I put in my order, and after a while, I ended up becoming a regular there. Got to the point where she'd take her break when I walked in, and we'd sit and talk. I've always been a bit nosy as a person, so one of my favorite topics of conversation was always the interpersonal drama that went on behind the counter. That was how I first heard about Anna.

She was a recent hire, straight into the recently open assistant manager slot. Some of the older hands were grumbling about getting jumped like that, but there wasn't much they could do, and it wasn't like she was doing a bad job, per se. The only real complaint was how she never stopped grinning. Jenny said her own cheeks started hurting in sympathy just from being around Anna all day. Everyone agreed there was something…  _ off _ about that grin, but aside from just having someone around who wouldn't stop smiling, they couldn't say why.

Apparently, it didn't matter how bad a day it was, she always kept grinning. Didn't matter how busy the day had been, didn't matter how badly someone had screwed up the commissary truck order, that grin never shifted once.

It took a few weeks for the book to come up. Anna said that the reason she was smiling so much was because of some old self-help book she'd found recently, filled with some babble about how, with enough mental effort, the world can seem like a better place.

Some kinda 70's new age nonsense like that, anyway, I can't actually recall how Jenny actually described it. Like, I try, I think back about what she told me about it, even what she said later, and… It's like I just zoned out and didn't even hear what she said about it. My mind keeps  _ slipping _ off of anything about what was in the book.

The change was gradual. Over the next couple weeks, I started to notice the other employees were smiling more and more. And then grinning. These wide, Joker-like grins. Apparently, Anna had been handing out the book for them to read, and they'd been doing so. Jenny was a little spooked by it all, and so was I. I asked her not to read the book, said how it felt like some kind of cult nonsense, and she said she didn't have any intention of doing so, peer pressure be damned.

I relaxed when I heard that, and while my concerns never quite went away, they weren't as focused on Jenny. Maybe they should have been. I had to take a week out of town for a conference for my own job, and the whole week, Jenny and I texted and called each other in the evenings. She said the others kept pushing her to read the book, she  _ had _ to read this book, it was going to change her life.

I could tell she was wavering. She'd already put in her 2 weeks notice, but the whole thing had just gotten too strange. Then, with a couple days left on the conference, she stopped responding. No texts, no calls, nothing. I was worried, sure, but I didn’t think too much of it. And then, I got back. Still nothing, no contact. Finally, I went back to the food joint. They knew me there, maybe they could shed some light on Jenny’s non-communication.

And there she was. Standing at the till, in full uniform, with that damned, massive, unnerving grin, was Jennifer. I went up to her, asking what had happened, why hadn’t she been replying to me. She never did give me a good answer, kept dodging the question or ignoring it entirely. Finally, she came clean.

She’d read the book. It was wonderful, she said, all about… Well, I already said how I don’t remember what she said about it. She kept on and on about it, though, until finally, she actually pulled it out. It was just a plain cover, none of the usual shite on these new age novels, none of the clouds or stars or anything. I think it had a title on it, but I can’t remember that, either. She handed it to me, and…

That’s where it gets a bit blurry. I think I skimmed it. I remember thinking it was weird that it was a library book, from some foreign library. I remember feeling my face  _ widen _ , feel my jaw expand.

At some point, I threw the book away. It could’ve been 20 seconds, it could’ve been hours, I don’t know. My jaw was throbbing, and when I looked up, every single other employee there was behind the counter, staring at me,  _ grinning _ at me. That was when I realized what was so  _ wrong _ about those grins.

They held too many teeth. I don’t know how I knew, it looked like a normal mouth, a big smile, but normally sized. But somehow, after looking at that book, I  _ knew _ , each of those mouths held more teeth than 20 people, more than 50, more than a hundred.

And I ran. I ran and never looked back. That happened last week. I’m in the process of moving. I can’t really explain why I know, but I know they’re not done with me. That book’s not done with me. I’ve got to get out of here, get as far away from that book as I can. I don’t know what you lot can do with this information, but there it is. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End Statement.

_ (sigh) _ Perhaps someday, we’ll see an end to Leitner and his books. Someday… But not today.

As is the norm with Leitners, this statement is most disturbing. This particular book seems keen on actively spreading its influence. That influence seems to be an alteration of one’s viewing of the world, of accepting it with a smile, a  _ grin _ .

Doing as Mr. Wellesley suggested and digging into his financials, it was indeed easy enough to discover which chain location he frequented. 2 days after this statement was made, every employee working there quit without notice and vanished without a trace, walking away from their lives as they left that building.

Mr. Wellesley apparently departed to New Zealand and attempted to start a new life. 15 months after arriving, however, he was reported missing. Local police were unable to turn in any answers regarding the case. Beyond this, I’m not sure what more we could uncover.

A final point; shortly before moving to his new home, he made a visit to his dentist. According to the records obtained there, Mr. Wellesley’s jaw had been altered, the jaw itself stretched and new teeth having appeared to fill in the new gaps. He had no explanation as to how or why this change occurred.

End recording.

_ (click) _


End file.
